when i was a kid, my dad used to scream, dont touch that food, it's mine. i would just be ready to take a bite, let's say, of some left-over chinese food from the frig. the frig door would be open, i'd be ready to pick into some chow fun, and he'd sneak up and yell: PUT IT BACK, DONT TOUCH IT, CLOSE IT, NOW. often, at the dinner table, if i would use my finger to grab a piece of broccoli, potato, steak...he would pierce my hand with a steak fork, and slowly say: dont...touch...my...food...with...your...fingers. often i didnt want to eat dinner with my family. it's not that i didnt want to eat, i loved to eat. hungry i was, but dinner time was unimaginably uncomfortable. i just didnt want to be with them. there was usually no conversation between my sisters, brother, mother, father or myself. we'd sit in our designated seats, and sort of grunt our food down. when i would say, i'm not hungry 2night, my mother would yell up to me, if u dont eat now, dont think you're eating later. when every one was a sleep, hunger pains would push me to sneak slowly down the steps in to the kitchen, making sure not to wake our very mean doberman pincher and 2 over-step the creaks made in steps 2 and 4 - slowly, slowly, i would open the frig door, very carefully, 2 make sure the airtight pull from the gasket wouldnt be heard by the dog. i usually succeeded but i always felt like a thief. sometimes, i still find myself sneaking food. when i am working, or at home, i find myself hiding my food, quickly putting it into my mouth. i move swiftly through sacred chow's kitchen w/ a bottle of beer stealthily held close to my thigh so co-workers won't spy my intent, a bowl of western tofu and collard greens quickly consumed out of eyesight. at home, i will eat behind a newspaper, if asked a question, the paper can easily cover my foil.
yesterday, my son and i were at a family gathering. we had a great weekend 2gether. we do this event called the march birthdays. there r a lot of family b-days in march, a niece, 2 nephews, my sister's boyfriend, huxley's, huxley's mom and mine. i was sure i had to work and go to sacred chow, but i found a way 4 us to make our way to n.j., and we were excited to go. huxley wanted to get flowers for my oldest sister, it was her house the event was going to be at. the train ride was nice, easy going. he played with his ds, and i read, we cuddled and looked out the window. waldwick, waldwick next stop, the conductor shouted. i put his coat on him and next his backpack, put my coat on and hooked up my shoulder bag, off we went. dad, the flowers, he shouted. shit, we left the flowers on the shelf above our seats on the train. this put hux in a very bad mood. we got off in this gray, cold, depressing town where most of the stores had for rent signs on them. i said, we'll find a flower store. to our amazement there was one a few blocks away. but as we got closer, it too had a for rent sign posted. a few moments later, molly, one of my nieces picked us up w/ nick, a nephew. about an hour later, while i was laying down on my sister's bed and talking on the phone to sacred chow, i saw huxley quickly run by the room. really it was like a flash, like a cat around a corner, a ghost. then i heard my name being called angrily by my mom, and she came marching into the room saying, on the phone, on the phone again, do something, huxley just pushed luke down. (luke is a 2 year old nephew, and loves to hang close to hux. but hux doesnt feel the same.) is he hurt? no, but he could have been. do something! discipline him now! get up now! huxley was hiding in the closet and crying. i took hux outside and spoke to him about being bigger and that a 2 year old kid cant understand that he is in the way. he still cried a lot, and kept explaining himself over and over 2 everyone. it was wrong, and i was angry & disappointed w/ him, but kids...oh, jeez, we all make mistakes. seeing hux move swiftly by, like a shadow, brought out memories of my own demon's dance, and the sickening realization about how this has cursed me 2 eat hiding.
yesterday, my son and i were at a family gathering. we had a great weekend 2gether. we do this event called the march birthdays. there r a lot of family b-days in march, a niece, 2 nephews, my sister's boyfriend, huxley's, huxley's mom and mine. i was sure i had to work and go to sacred chow, but i found a way 4 us to make our way to n.j., and we were excited to go. huxley wanted to get flowers for my oldest sister, it was her house the event was going to be at. the train ride was nice, easy going. he played with his ds, and i read, we cuddled and looked out the window. waldwick, waldwick next stop, the conductor shouted. i put his coat on him and next his backpack, put my coat on and hooked up my shoulder bag, off we went. dad, the flowers, he shouted. shit, we left the flowers on the shelf above our seats on the train. this put hux in a very bad mood. we got off in this gray, cold, depressing town where most of the stores had for rent signs on them. i said, we'll find a flower store. to our amazement there was one a few blocks away. but as we got closer, it too had a for rent sign posted. a few moments later, molly, one of my nieces picked us up w/ nick, a nephew. about an hour later, while i was laying down on my sister's bed and talking on the phone to sacred chow, i saw huxley quickly run by the room. really it was like a flash, like a cat around a corner, a ghost. then i heard my name being called angrily by my mom, and she came marching into the room saying, on the phone, on the phone again, do something, huxley just pushed luke down. (luke is a 2 year old nephew, and loves to hang close to hux. but hux doesnt feel the same.) is he hurt? no, but he could have been. do something! discipline him now! get up now! huxley was hiding in the closet and crying. i took hux outside and spoke to him about being bigger and that a 2 year old kid cant understand that he is in the way. he still cried a lot, and kept explaining himself over and over 2 everyone. it was wrong, and i was angry & disappointed w/ him, but kids...oh, jeez, we all make mistakes. seeing hux move swiftly by, like a shadow, brought out memories of my own demon's dance, and the sickening realization about how this has cursed me 2 eat hiding.
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