Keep Calm

It was years ago, and my sister and I were both rather young. She was too young for school yet, and I had recently started walking myself to and from school, because it was a short walking distance away. I had come home one afternoon, to see some of my toys scattered about the room that we shared. I got furious and yelled at my sister for a while, which made her cry. My mother came into the room, and said, "OK, now  that you've yelled and screamed, did it make anything better?"

It was her overall attitude towards life: if it's not going to help you, or anyone else, to lose your temper, it's best not to lose your temper. Same thing happens when I am with my angel husband (who is otherwise a level-headed, calm chap). He'll find himself getting flustered about something that's completely beyond our control, and I'll gently remind him, "Is it helping us get there faster by your getting flustered?" It takes him a minute or so to realise that he's losing his usual sense of calm, but once he does, he's able to step back, and (sometimes) even laugh about the situation.

I find myself asking the same question when my own temper starts to skyrocket (as it does). "Is it really going to help anything to get flustered, or angry, or screamy? No? Then what are you doing it for?" Most of the time, I can manage to reel myself in, and face the situation with a renewed confidence in myself. The few times that I do let loose, I use my friend Melissa's trick.

I look at my watch (or phone timer, as the case may be), and give myself exactly one minute to wallow in whatever negative feeling I'm in at that moment. Anger, rage, fear, grief, whatever. Once that minute is up, I let it back out into the universe, to disperse as it will. I'd sooner not hold onto it if I can help it.

When that's done, I find my inner peace returning, and my ability to do my job getting much better.

It's Spring!

The weekend promises to be gorgeous. This is the time to get your hands on some peas, mint, asparagus, and all those other lovely things that grow in Spring. And, since Passover is going to be over as of Saturday evening, peas are back on the menu! Yay!

Asparagus & Peas

1 bunch pencil asparagus, chopped into 2 inch pieces
3 cups peas, shelled
1 medium red onion, sliced thinly
juice & zest of 2 lemons
3 TB fresh dill
3 sprigs marjoram
2 TB fresh parsley
3 lbs potatoes, peeled and diced
mint, for garnish
3 TB olive oil
salt, to taste
black pepper, to taste

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Peel and dice the potatoes, and combine with half the oil. Spread onto a parchment lined cookie sheet, and bake for 15 minutes. Toss gently, and turn the pan, then bake an additional 15 minutes.

While the potatoes bake, toss the asparagus in the remaining oil. Throw it into the oven, and bake for 15 minutes. When everything is done cooking, toss together with the shelled peas (if using frozen, just run them under cold running water for about 3 minutes). You want the peas to cook in the residual heat of the hot veggies.

Meanwhile, make the dressing. Juice and zest 2 lemons. Add to that the marjoram, the parsley, the dill, and salt and pepper to the lemon juice. Add the sliced red onion, and toss gently to coat. Let the onions sit in the lemon juice until the veggies cool down to room temp. When everything is at room temperature, toss gently with the dressing, and adjust the salt as necessary.

This dish absolutely requires the freshest of peas, of asparagus, and of herbs. When you eat it, you'll have the creamy roasted potatoes, the bright bursting peas, the earthy herbs, and the twang of the lemon. If you have it, this is also an excellent time to throw in some chopped fresh mint to really bump up the flavour.

Enjoy your Spring!

You can learn something new every day.

So I was fiddling around in that Facebook app for the iPhone, and found out that you can apparently upload pictures to your business page directly from the app itself, rather than what we've been doing, which is to take the photo, email it to ourselves, download it, the upload it to Facebook, then post it and put a caption.

There are times when I despair of changes that seem to happen so frequently. Every time I go to visit my nephew and niece in DC, they seem to grow a little taller, and a little heavier. Just this last trip, I was barely able to lift up my nephew into my arms, because he'd gotten so big. I remember when I could carry him around as easily as my backpack, and he'd fit right there on my hip, quite content to hang out with his uncle. Now, the little runt is growing like a weed, and I fear he'll be too big to pick up some day.

However, part of being an adult is embracing the changes that life sends your way. Not all changes are bad, and no new learning is wasted. Even in the books that I re-read a million times (Anne of Green Gables, I'm looking at you!), I notice subtle nuances and vocabulary that I didn't see the first (few million) times around.

I guess, in a small way, it's reassuring, because it shows me that I'm actually capable of learning new things, and that the universe has given me the ability to take it in and share that.

Gorgeous weather, lovely feeling.

There's something to be said for suffering through the freezing cold winter, only to wake up one morning, and see the sun triumphantly shining out, and the flowers growing again. It's absolutely stunning outside. Everywhere I go, people are out on the sidewalk, wandering about, with a lazy, sauntering mood, rather than the typical high-impact power walk that most New Yorkers adopt out of necessity.

It's times like these that I wonder why they bother having New Year's in January, when everything is still freezing out. Wouldn't it be lovely to watch the ball drop on a gorgeous Spring evening, with a light scent of flowers and green things growing in the air, and an actual feeling of renewal. It's so nice to be able to open my windows wide open, and catch the incoming morning air. The smells of garlic, and cumin, and a bit of asafoetida and curry leaf mingle with the morning breezes (breakfast at my house consists of strong, robust flavours). I can feel the warmth of the sunlight through my window.

I can finally set out bread for baking, and dosa batter for fermenting without worrying about it actually taking properly. I can make pots of soy yoghurt without having to cover the thing with a heavy winter coat to keep the chill out of the pot. Kimchi is going to be amazing, because it'll get good and sour in a short two or three days, rather than waiting with bated breath while the cabbage sits and ferments sulkily in the cold weather.

I am so heartily sick of heavy stews and root vegetables. I want to eat peas, and asparagus, and all kind of other spring greens that are coming into season. I want to eat raw food, for a change. I don't want any more herbal tea. I want chilled beverages, cucumber and avocado soup, beet apple and carrot salad with peanut sauce.

I want to throw gratuitous amounts of herbs at everything I see.

I'm waiting for the summer, and all her bounty.

I'm ready to wake up.

Integrity & honor!

Standing outside of a locked door looking in. Today my son Huxley is playing his 4th chess tournament. For Huxley, although he has great determination and desire to win, it is more about truth & honor, & how much he will learn from the experience.

The boy he is playing loudly boasted before the challenge began, "

I have played in 40 tournaments, and my rating is..." Huxley proudly stated: " well, I have played in four!" And without any signs of trepidation, he began his match.

I asked him this morning if he was at all nervous, as he was challenging other players that were ranked much higher than he was. "Nope" he said. "I am not nervous at all. Of course I hope to win so that my rating improves, but no matter, I will learn much more, & I will play with honor & integrity." The other player's boasting did not undermine his confidence, to the contrary, he was watching out for intimidating tricks, and raised his hand for a Chess masters assisstance at any of his opponents devious false traps.

It immediately reminded me of when I had taken the Pennsyvania Bar Exam, and during a lunch break from the exam, 4 other exam takers were boasting how the answers that they had chosen were the correct ones, while the ones I had chosen were clearly wrong. The 4 against one factor had clearly played into my sense of confidence, and so, I assumed they were right, and perhaps I had failed the exam. Months later when the results were out, the boasters had all failed, and I had passed.

I learned thereafter how important it is, for self-preservation, to trust my sense of truth, and to walk away from those working to boast their fears by trying to undermine others.

What I teach Huxley, when the torpedoes of life are postioned to annihilate by intimidation, is that he has the power to shift away from & transcend such attacks through honoring his integrity & keen intelligence. And that above all else: do not listen, just focus on the task before you.

I don't know if Huxley has won his match yet, as I am still watching the set take place. But no matter the final result, his honor, integrity & intelligence are well intact. And I am so proud of him!

It wasn't as bad as we thought it'd be.

So we went in this cold, drizzly morning, to the imposing building. The lady who met us was very friendly and kind. We went through line by line, showed what makes sense and what doesn't, and then ended with smiles.

The anticipation of it all was far worse than the actual experience. Funny that, right?

It all comes back to my (possibly insane) belief that the universe takes care of us, and things end up working out. OK, so there are struggles and hardships. That's standard for the experience of life. However, at the end of the day, you do your best, you keep pushing, keep fighting for what you need, and only then can you be satisfied with knowing that even if things don't work out perfectly, you've done everything in your power to make it right. You've used all your energy, creativity, and ability to sort things out.

Sure, things aren't perfect. They never are.

But there you go.

That's life.

I /still/ don't ever want to own a restaurant.

This week has been utter and complete purgatory for me and bossman. We can't go into the kitchen and cook the entire time we're here. Instead, we need to sit astride a mountain of paperwork to answer to an audit of doom. Thankfully, there's nothing there that's sketchy, but it's still painful to have to do, because you're talking about papers that are years old, and are not as organised as they are now. It means painstakingly going through each transaction, line by line, penny by penny, and making sure that it's all accounted for.

Meanwhile, there's folk on staff who aren't thrilled with each other. The wait staff, thankfully, has been angelic. Every single one of them has proven to me time and again that there are people out there that truly /get it/. Who really understand that vision of making less violence, making more kindness, showing our love for humanity through food. They treat each other and our customers with respect and kindness. They treat this space with the reverence of an altar of peace deserves. OK, so I'm being a touch hyperbolic. I think I'm allowed a touch of poetic license for having to look at numbers until I'm cross-eyed.

The problem is that a kitchen is built on ego. Well. A "usual" kitchen, in any case. It's a place where men flex their importance, and show how much they can take. Crassness, rudeness, and violent tempers are nurtured and encouraged. It's a horrible place to be. When you come from a place of ego, "make less violence" doesn't quite sink in. That's when we start to notice that the person may not be a good fit, and we have to part ways. Part ways where we wish the person the best, but understand that at the end of the day, we have to nurture kindness and love.

Meanwhile, this pile of paperwork that happens when you run a place doesn't care that you've got a thousand other things on your plate. It keeps building, and threatening to engulf you in its arms. And somehow, you keep just past the point of getting swallowed up.

And yet, there are folk who think that I'm mad enough to wish this on anyone, much less myself.

I'm not. This is /not/ my idea of fun. I watch bossman go home each night, shoulders held high to be strong for everyone else, and carry us on them. I watch what happens to him, day by day, as the depravities of the world keep wearing away at his armour. And I know that even though I /could/ do this, I don't /want/ to. I have passion, and drive, and love. I don't, however, have those strong shoulders to bear the weight of my loved ones or those that wish me ill.

Don't ever think that owning a business is just making the books balance. Don't ever think that it's just about finding good staff. Or that it's about having a good concept. All those things mean nothing if you're not strong, tenacious, and just a little crazy.

And I may be crazy, tenacious, or strong. But not at the same time.

That's why I've got my business partner/boss. Because we treat each other as equals. He places as much weight on my own opinion as he does his own. Bossman is just my affectionate nickname for him. I know we're equals, but I know that it gets his goat when I call him my boss, or call myself his assistant.

I'm rambling. It's been a long week. And it promises to be a long and painful audit tomorrow.

That's why I have my friend.

Organic /can/ be accessible.

Our friend Max at Living Maxwell has made an entry on his blog about a dinner for two (at home) for less than $15. He even posted a picture of the receipt from the store, so that he can show that he wasn't making idle boasts, and that he really did manage that feat for that price. A similar meal in a restaurant would have easily ran to $15 per person.

That being said, I think that his receipt highlights something important: organic food is no longer for just the elite and wealthy. The prices for some of the things he bought are comparable to the conventional versions, and in New York City, there are a bunch of different places that are happy to sell them to you at those prices. Furthermore, I'm noticing that even at the regular grocery store that's near my apartment in Washington Heights has organic food in it, priced similarly to what I'd pay further downtown.

Mind you, if you didn't have the money for the tomatoes and the walnuts, that meal would still have been excellent with some beans of your liking, or some tofu. It would have certainly been delicious with just the veggies and the quinoa, but I think Max wanted something a little more elaborate and varied.

In fact, were you to make the sauerkraut yourself at home (which is fairly easy to do), you could bring down the cost even further! But look at the price of his avocados, and the Kalamata olives. Both those items are priced at roughly the same as conventional versions. Same with the quinoa. For the record, that small amount of quinoa cooks up to a whole lot of food. It seems pricey when you cost it per pound, but when you get it home, you only need a very little bit to make lots of food.

There's this quote that the lovely Colleen Patrick Godreau says all the time: "Don't do nothing because you can't do everything." If you can't afford to get all the food that you purchase as organic, do the best you can with your budget and time constraints, and get what you can. If you can't cook at home every night, then do so once a week, and expand from there! It doesn't need to be an all-or-nothing proposition. Eating healthy and supporting organic foods can be workable, if you're willing to be creative, like Max has, with a simple shopping trip, and a few spices from home. It takes a bit of planning, but it's well worth the effort.

Thanks for the blog post, Max!

Plain

There's times (rare though they be) when I want a particular vegetable with nothing on it but a bit of salt, and possibly some olive oil. I don't want any spices, herbs, or complex flavours. Sometimes, I just want the pleasure of eating that vegetable as it is, with no adornments.

It was a couple of weeks back, but I recall how pretty it looked. Bossman was hungry, and I had cooked up a pumpkin for something else. I scooped out the pumpkin from the shell, and put it in a bowl, with a bit of salt. Then, I added some steamed kale, and a bit of steamed red cabbage. The colours looked so vibrant and vivid in the bowl. I tossed the kale with a bit of sesame oil and salt, and left the other veg just plain.

Of course, he ate every bite, and enjoyed it.

It's funny how those things work out. I'm surrounded by really amazing food all the time. Whether it be at the restaurant or at home, everything I eat is fairly complex with regards to its preparation and spicing. There's multiple layers of flavour and spice that go into every dish. This goes double for the Indian food that I tend to make, which is inspired (though not constrained) by South India, which tends to layer on the spices. You generally start with hot fat, whole spices, pop the spices in the fat, then add aromatics, then add powdered spices and any chiles you have, and then add your food, and herbs of your choosing when everything is done cooking. It's layers of intricate flavours, all combined with skill and grace. And I'd say that 99 days of 100, I'm quite happy to settle in with a plate of intricately spiced things.

However, some nights, when I get home, I want plain steamed veggies, or a bit raw veggies with a touch of lemon juice and salt. Sometimes I crave plain boiled potatoes with just a hint of salt. No fat of any kind, but just the plain potatoes. An onion sandwich. A tomato, fresh from the market, with the smell of the sun on its skin. A ripe, juicy Macintosh apple (it's my favourite type). Some daikon, that's been lightly steamed with a bit of ginger and soy sauce. Broccoli, steamed in the microwave for about five minutes, with a grinding of black pepper. Cucumber, with a bare hint of rock salt.

OK, so I'm a bit of salt fiend, but you get my point, right? The next time you get something home, try it plain, without any adornments, and then see what works with it. Sometimes, just having it neat is quite pleasurable.

Be who you are.

This story brought me to tears. Not just of the sadness of a little boy whose own parent is being a bully to him, but for the big brother who stands up for his little brother.

I hope that were I in the same position, I'd do the same thing. I know for a fact that my little sister certainly would. I remember my mom getting annoyed phone calls from her school bus driver when she was in elementary school. Her concern was not that it was her fight or not; it was more so that justice be served. She would stand up for the person who she felt was in the right whether or not it was anything to do with her.

I'm fairly certain that I would. I've been the recipient of such bullying behaviour in the past, and I know what it feels like to be tormented by someone much bigger than me, and with so much more power than I have. It's not a comfortable place to be in.

I understand that parenting is the hardest job in the world. I don't deny it. However, there comes a point when good people cannot stand silently by while injustice continues. If a kid has certain tendencies, no amount of your disapproval is going to make them more "manly" or "lady-like". All that's going to happen is that your child will drift further and further away from you, to the point where you aren't an important part of their lives, and you lose your child.

I can tell you unequivocally that the folk who were nasty to me when I was growing up, with demands that I "act more manly" have lost any shred of respect that I had for them, and my regard for them is nonexistent. As an adult, I've grown to realise that those people are petty, insecure, small-minded jerks, who do not deserve my regard.

And that's what you're setting yourself up for when you bully a child into fitting into an ill-suited mould: you're making yourself become unimportant in that person's development. Cry "sissy" long enough, and you will eventually be ignored.

I give major kudos to the big brother in the story for standing in between the bullying father and his sensitive little brother. May all of us have kind, and loving people like that in our lives!

In my dreams...Add some extra greatness!

A Vegan Restaurant

Eat Drink Montclair wrote: "How about we add some extra greatness to Montclair? I have heard rumors of a vegetarian or vegan restaurant that used to be in Montclair, but then it had to move to Parsippany for lack of patronage. I think that day has come to pass. The vegetarian community here is pretty well sized. Just find a spot smack dab in the middle of our 10+ yoga studios and you’re golden. In my dreams, Sacred Chow will open their second spot here in Montclair, as they are my favorite place in the city. I’m still dreaming about that Brownie Sundae with fudge and sprinkles from the other night.

Sometimes you have to look for it.

I learned a long time back that not everyone is going to express love to me in the way that I want or need. It's a hard lesson to learn, but an important one. Sometimes, I need to look for the way that the person is expressing the love, find it, nurture that spark, and add my own spark to it.

It gets better

Even if everyone else tells you that something is wrong with you, we still think you're wonderful, just as you are.

In Belarus: Cliff's Great Grandma Leah

+ Grandma Lilly 2 the right, Great Aunt Helen in the middle & Baby Aunt Rose 2 the left: from bellicose Belarus.

ur one mean vegan!

it feels rather amazin', the circle of life thing: hux, my dear son, just finished readin' 2 me a great little book called, indigo and the whale. do u know it? it's about followin' ur dreams far and wide, never givin' up in what u believe in, and treatin' others, and all life w dignity and 2 beautiful music. u know the sweet, sweet song, teach ur children well, dont u? indeed! i've taught hux: 'bout mad cows disease, salmonella, e.coli...the importance of being vegan, 4 his mind, body, other beings, creation, 2 reduce carbon emissions, violence; bout fiendish folks in pursuit of $$$ despite hurting others w their products, obesity, human starvation, nyc hunger & homelessness..., all b4 he was 7, & always, and i mean always, b4 we'd be walkin' in2 a mcd's, a pizza joint, burger king... "r u sure u still wanna eat here?" i'd ask. and he'd usually reply loudly, "ur one mean vegan!" and in we'd go. i'd never say a word about the tortured-polluted food he was eating while he was eatin', well almost never. although i wasnt enjoying him eatin' his meal, i wanted him 2 do so while he was eatin' it. about that rather amazin' circle of life: 2day he rejoices in tellin' folks he's vegan 2. teach 'em well my dear friends, teach them well! and let 'em be, just let them be. make less violence, eat plant proteins. yes vegan!