Cake mistakes!

Okay, so the buzzer went off, and u didn't hear it ring. Consequently, u 4got u even had anything in the oven. U talk on the phone, nibble here & there, read a bit of the Times..."HOLY SHEET! THE F**KEN CAKE! It 's burnt, it's burnt... Is it totally burnt? Yep, it's burnt!"

Well y'all know the saying: When the world hands u lemons: Make lemonade! (Or lemon pudding cake)!

Never give up on ur cake. Now, u may need to reconfigure how u r gonna present the cake. B/C surely, don't call me surely, it will not be a pretty round thing - like the one u had in ur mind. No, she sang that song. Yes she did! "Amazing Grace!" I can do anything! "I am women hear me roar!" "Yes I've paid the price, but look how much I've gained!" Not in my tookus though! Time to re-imagine! I am Julia Child! I am Jackie Kennedy! I am! I am! I am! I am Grandma Moses Big Tookus! No, Maybe not Grandma Moses, maybe just Big Tookus Moses! All right then: Next! Time to lose weight. Weight? Wait, no way! I am women hear me roar! Yes, persistence is transgender! And happily married homosexuals! And Muslim drag queens! Betty Davis? What a dump! No, no, no Ms. Thing: I am not Humpty Dumpty! And, and, and it's not over, it's not over... No, no, it's not over till... Time 2 re-create!

Let this burnt, but not totally burnt through cake, cool down some. Of course I am coming from the vegan point of fixin food. And by the by, this applies to a cake that just won't harden up as well. No matter how many times u stick that toothpick through, it comes out wet, wet, wet... U have measured wrong, too much liquid, not enuf dry... 4got some leavening...

Relax ladies! The solution applies 2 both botched scenarios.

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Place into a food processor: 1 to 1 & 1/2 lbs of mashed up hard tofu; a dry sweetener, 1/2 to 1 cup; extracts of desire, 1 tablespoon; nutmeg, a few pinches; Earth Balance, bout 3/4 cup; 2 tablespoons of tahini; 3 tablespoons of maple syrup; 1 tablespoon vinegar; starch like arrowroot or corn, 1/3 cup; 1 tea of agar- agar; soy, almond or coconut milk..., 2 cups. Start processor, let it spin till creamy, creamy, creamy. During the spin, place 2 cups of same flour w 2 teaspoons of baking soda in fine strainer held over a bowl, shake into bowl till silky & fine, remove strainer; then w a wire whisk - mix, mix, mix. Break a part burnt cake into small bites or cut into squares, then place in dry bowl. If the problem is that the cake is too wet, u will still have cakey parts on the outside, place cake in separate bowl, mash up, break a part... (w wet version, use only 3/4 - 1 cup milk).

Pour the liquids from processor into bowl w dry ingredients, w a wire whisk, mix till totally incorporated. Then take the "Cake Mistake" and mix it right in to the batter; then pour batter into a ceramic bowl, pie dish, square...Bake in the 350 degree oven for 40-50 minutes - till nicely browned. The "Cake Mistake" should be a touch shaky. Let sit a bit, then place in freezer till hardened & chilled through.

All done! Add ice cream; fruit chutneys; warmed or chilled: syrup reductions, glazes, chocolate, vanilla, lavender... sauces, on & on...

It ain't over till u say it 's over!!!! I will climb Mt. Sinai, sit my big tookus down, and watch the sun rise and set, and I will eat my custard cake w a friend. We'll talk about Infinite Jest & cake possibilities. I'll smile like Moms Mabley. I will, I will, I will... I will eat my success w my friend in his finest dress. She'll have pretty napkins too!