yummy, yummy, yummy

there was a mean giant-dwarf who lived on sullivan street in nyc. he loved to eat vegan food, which is how he got to be so strong and big because he loved sacred chow's seitan and tofu, and wanted them all for himself. when other people would try to come into sacred chow, the giant-dwarf would kick them where it hurts. and he was so mean that he only let himself eat at sacred chow. the giant-dwarf ate so much food that he got so big that none of his clothes fit him. oh, he also really liked the brownie sundae w/ vanilla soy ice cream, sprinkles and chocolate sauce. he grew so big that his legs occupied the whole basement. he pushed the people out who lived in the two apartments upstairs so his arms could rest there. his body was in the kitchen and his head filled the whole dining room. luckily his tushie and pee pee fit neatly right into the bathroom. w/ his right eye he looked outside one day and across the street he saw a old lady w/ lots of pins and fabric. she was sewing a dress, and some snow hats and mittens. he could tell she was hungry, b/c she was very skinny. he was so big, bigger than a balloon, bigger than the empire state building. but he couldnt leave sacred chow b/c he didnt have any clothes that fit. he thought he'd make up a bargain with the old lady that if she made him new clothes, he would share his sacred chow with her. so he called to the lady across the street, and asked her if she'd agree to his bargain. b/c she was very hungry, and also loved sacred chow's seitan and tofu, she agreed.

turns out that the old lady could only make dresses, mittens and snow hats. but the bargain worked for the giant-dwarf and the old lady b/c the giant-dwarf always wanted to be a girl. one day the old lady and the dwarf had a nice picnic in central park. he wasnt exactly pretty, but his new dresses were, and the old lady made him all kinds of unusual dresses that other people really admired. the giant-dwarf felt loved. from that point on, he shared all of his seitan and tofu w everyone, and the old lady built a very successful dress business.

written by: huxley parker preefer-moore